File:ON-furnishing-Augur of the Obscure.jpg

Summary[edit]

When activated in your house, the Augur will say one of the following lines:

• "You know there's a ghost in here, right? Its name is Vincent, and it adores cherry pie! Maybe you should go fetch a pie ... or, you know, an exorcist. Not sure where you fall on the whole restless dead issue."
• "If you find another crystalline entity, you'll bring it back here, right? I could use some decent conversation. Not that you —. Don't get me wrong, our conversations are just ... you know, just really great."
• "I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but it's critically important that you polish me three times a week, mate. It sharpens my powers of perception and enhances my self-esteem!"
• "Have you met that Sotha Sil yet? Now there's an Elf I can relate to. Soft-spoken, reclusive, melancholy .... Actually, now that I think about it, we don't have much in common at all."
• "You know the worst thing about near-omniscience? Every time someone laughingly says, 'have you heard this one?' you have to say yes. Or in my case, you have to glow and scream until they run away."
• "You know I can see time in all directions? I see you as you are now, as you were before you were born, and as you'll be after you're dead all at once! You're an adorable baby, mate. Less charming as a corpse."
• "You're not going to use me as a paperweight are you? What's that all about anyway? Paperweights. Honestly, is paper that anxious to escape? Oh, my paper's getting away! Ludicrous!"
• "You know, where I'm from, warriors wield swords made of pure math. Kind of puts those crude metal weapons into perspective, eh?"
• "This place is so ... I don't know. Domestic? Where do you keep your trolls? You do have some trolls here, right? I was specifically told there would be trolls."
• "Thanks for putting me up here, mate. You won't regret it! I don't eat anything, never make a mess, and I'm an excellent conversation piece!"
• "Do you smell something? Something smells ... yellow. Not hiding any ducklings around here are you? Duck feet are hideous, mate. Hideous!"
• "Huh? Oh, sorry. I was busy planning my next holiday. Picture this, mate: the moons! Exciting, eh? I'd invite you along if you could survive up there. Sidenote—you cannot survive up there."
• "So, how about another adventure, mate? We could go ... I don't know, to the market? Buy some eggs. Honestly, I'm game for anything! Really!"
• "Your belly's rumbling. Hungry? That's one I'll never understand, mate. The drive to push plants and animals into your face-hole, grind them into paste, then store them in a flesh-sack. Yech!"
• "So you're a Psijic now, eh? I'd keep that to yourself, mate. If people find out, it'll be nothing but 'negotiate this treaty!' and 'settle this matter of succession!' and 'what fork should I use for salad?'"
• "You don't have any beavers wandering around in here, do you? You know how I feel about beavers."
• "Be honest—do you ever wish we hadn't broken the Staff of Towers? Just imagine a world of non-linear time! Wait, is your nose bleeding? All right, stop imagining a world of non-linear time."
• "Hey, I wrote you a song! You're going to love it, mate. It's a brisk sixteen hours long—very up tempo. And there's only a ... I don't know, twelve percent chance it will cause a stroke?"
• "I've got to admit, I'm a little thrown off by the aesthetic, mate. No un-paintings, less than a thousand angles, hardly any transliminal spheroids .... I don't know. I'd give it a soft 'adequate.'"
• "Hey do you want to learn how to say hello in my native language? All right, mate. All you'll need is a conch shell, six friends, a harp with forty strings, and a newborn calf. I'll wait."

Licensing[edit]

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